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In our modern world, where attention spans are getting shorter every month, five years is a long time. A milestone for sure. Thus, when we met last week to do our first ever roundtable at Thr3e Wise Men Brewing Co., milestones were on our minds. In particular, we thought of an important milestone in writing history: Who was the world's first blogger? If you Google "world's first blogger," you'll get a variety of answers. But anyone who was a regular television viewer in the early '90s knows who the world's first blogger was: Doogie Howser, M.D. You remember Doogie Howser, don't you? The teen prodigy physician who, at the end of each episode, would sit down at his computer and type an entry into his computer diary. While the diary wasn't published online, it certainly provided the template that today's bloggers have borrowed.
Doogie, of course, was played by the talented Neil Patrick Harris. You really have to admire NPH; he avoided the curse that many child actors fall prey to--substance abuse/ending up in the gutter--and became a successful actor and entertainer in adulthood. Indeed, he's hosted the Tony Awards. He's been in two Harold & Kumar movies. He was the central character in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. He's the undisputed star of How I Met Your Mother. And who can forget Neil's memorable turn in Starship Troopers?
Therefore, in honor of milestones, we offer you our review of Thr3e Wise Men's Golden Zoe IPA as Neil Patrick Harris would have done it. First up is Chris, who substitutes Mike and Jason for Harold and Kumar...
[Mike and Jason are on a mission to find Thr3e Wise Men when they happen upon Neil Patrick Harris, alone, staggering down Pennsylvania St.]
Mike: Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get to Broad Ripple from here, would you?
Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this Golden Goo -- next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.
Jason: Golden Goo? You mean Golden Zoe? We've just been driving around looking for Thr3e Wise Men so we could get some Golden Zoe too!
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, Thr3e Wise Men, whatever. Forget the Golden Goo, let's go get some pussy!
Neil Patrick Harris: It's a fucking sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poontang, THEN we'll go to Thr3e Wise Men.
Jason: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving this beer all night.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, yeah. Beer, beer, beer.... what do you guys do, write for a beer blog or something? Fuck that, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers in BRV.
[sings] "NPH ain't nothin' ta fuck wit. NPH ain't nothin' ta fuck wit."
Neil Patrick Harris: Lapdance...
Jason: [Pause.] There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if I can get some directions.
Neil Patrick Harris: You don't need dir- gah! Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
[They park, pause.]
Neil Patrick Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry...
Jason: Look, chill. Drinking this beer and writing about it is important.
Mike: We have hund.... millions of readers counting on us!
Jason: We'll be right back, Neil.
[They exit the car.]
Mike: Dude, what is the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?
Jason: I don't know, but we need some Golden Zoe pronto.
[Neil Patrick Harris silently climbs into the front seat.]
Neil Patrick Harris: [Peeling out] SAYONARA, GEEKS!
Next up is Mike, who takes us to a galaxy far, far away...
Gina tunes us in to How I Met Your Mother...
Barney Stinson reporting for duty...
These beer geeks asked me why I usually only drink scotch or whiskey at the bar when I am out with my friends and I told them that I didn’t mind beer, but I didn’t think there was a lot of depth to it. They asked me what beers I tried and I asked them what difference does it make what beer I tried, weren’t they all the same? They all worked to just get you drunk, right? They just shook their heads. One of them told me I just haven’t tried the right beer.
I agreed to meet them at this newer place (new is always better, one of my rules) in Broad Ripple, Thr3e Wise Men if they agreed to play in a laser tag tournament with me. They told me they would be reviewing a beer called Golden Zoe. It immediately reminded me of Ted’s girlfriend and that she was the one standing in the way of my sweet new office that should be in place of the stupid old Arcadian building that I was supposed to blow up a few months ago. We were taken back into a secret meeting room, like VIP. I was hoping that there would be some ladies there to meet us, but the geeks told me they were just having their business meeting and that I could join them for business or go hang out in the bar. I chose to stay so I could teach them a few things about “business”.
I sat farthest from Jason, because he was in a suit as well. Couldn’t have him showing me up. What if some ladies walked by?
We ordered some food and drinks and they began their meeting. I don’t remember what their meeting was about because I was thinking about how I wanted to get the waitress’s number, but I learned she had the same name as my half-sister. That’s too weird.
They brought this Golden Zoe to the table and it did look a little different than what I am used to, though I mostly drink beer straight from the bottle anyway. The geeks asked me if I would drink my scotch straight from the bottle and I told them that I wouldn’t...usually. I get what they mean, I guess. I raised the glass to my nose and took a sniff. Not bad, I thought. The beer appeared cloudy and had a nice fruity aroma. The flavor had a nice mild sweetness to it. They said it was from the malt and hop balance. Whatever it was, it was going down easy. That is...wait for it...what she said. True story.
Here's Jason with the debut of Dr. HoosierBeerGut's Drink-Along Blog:
Email readers, click here to view this can't miss video on YouTube.
Finally, we have Matt behind the scenes at this year's Tony Awards...
Welcome back to the Tony Awards. I'm your host, Neil Patrick Harris. I'm honored to be hosting for the third time but even more honored to recognize the works of Mr. Scott Wise. The hardest working man in the restaurant, Twitter, hair care product, photo posing, brewing, and now live theater business.
NPH: How did it all start?
SW: At the Harvard of the Midwest, Neil: Ball State University. My first place started in the Village as Ball State Cardinals call it, and from there I grew my business aggressively.
NPH: You've now conquered the business world, but what made you go into live theater, and what made you do The Book of Mormon, War Horse, and Good People in the same year?
SW: Well, I follow everyone I can on Twitter and they put out casting calls, so I went to all of them and much to my surprise scored roles in all three programs. I'm surprised you didn't know this Neil. Do you follow my many Twitter handles?
NPH: Uhhh.....Is that all?
SW: No, I like to drink heavily as well. Particularly my head brewer's beers. His name is Omar. He doesn't have a Twitter handle though.
NPH: So you've been drinking when you are on stage?
SW: A little bit, but all I do is read one of my massive menus for my wildly successful restaurants, eat some dill chips, have another Golden Zoe and I'm good for the night.
NPH: What is a Golden Zoe?
SW: Its our house IPA at Thr3e Wise Men Brewing Company, an @brewhouse production. It's well balanced, deep copper in color, good bready malt character to stand up to our bittering hops. It has a pretty big aroma of big American hops. If you like your IPAs on the balanced side of life, this will be one you will enjoy Neil.
NPH: Running any specials soon?
SW: Well, if you followed me on Twitter, Facebook, Digg, or use the bathroom in one of my restaurants, you would know you can get 10% off with a FourSquare check-in, buy a discounted gift card, or take a picture of yourself in one of my t-shirts to get money off of your meals.
NPH: Are you accepting an award or talking about your businesses?
SW: I never waste an opportunity to talk about my businesses. Have you followed me on Twitter yet?
NPH: How do you keep your care-free curls looking so good?
SW: I dry my hair with a Dyson hair dryer that you just put your whole head in. It makes all the difference.
NPH: I'm a bit uncomfortable...
SW: Come on down for a $20 dollar large pizza and growler fill. It will make things much better. Follow me on Twitter to find out more of our great specials, Neil.
NPH: Do you ever sleep?
Thr3e Wise Men Golden Zoe IPA
Chris: 3.40 Mugs | Mike: 3.40 Mugs | Jason: 3.95 Mugs | Gina: 3.30 Mugs | Matt: 3.25 Mugs | Rod: 3.70 Mugs | Jim: 3.50 Mugs
KOTBR Score: 3.50 Mugs