Don Pardo: Live from the crossroads of America... It's the 4th annual Craft Beer Pride Parade! Featuring performances by Lady Gaga, the TOTS Rocky-ettes, the cast of the hit show Cougartown, Ted Miller with his pants on the ground, and a visit from Santa Claus!
Reporting from the street, Midwest Professional Mud Wrestling champion Jason "The Beer Gut"...
Reporting from the Scotty's Brewhouse blimp high above Massachusetts Avenue, award winning photographer and artist M'Kale.
And in the booth, he hosts the popular radio show "Mornings with the Mohel" and she presently holds court at the Clay County Coffee Beer Festival, it's Rabbi Jim and Queen Gina...
Gina: Thanks Jason and hello Rabbi Jim! And welcome, everyone, to this year's parade. It's shaping up to be a hot one, so make sure you stay hydrated. Jim, I know when you think hot summer day, you don't really think coffee stout, right? I wouldn't normally think so either, but I think Bee Creek has really done a nice job here on this first float. Oh and speaking of float, would this coffee stout make a perfect ice cream float or what?
M'Kale: Um guys, it's really scary up here. Scary scary. Is this thing supposed to hiss?
Jason: Sorry to interrupt everybody, but they are giving samples of the Clay County Coffee Stout down here and I rue the buffoon who doesn't get any of this. It's better than a Bigbucks iced coffee. I'll body slam anybody that tries to take it away from me.
Back to you Jim and Gina.
Jim: Thank you, Jason. And I don't think I'll try to take away your sample. After all, I'm a lover, not a fighter. When you're a mohel, you have to be a lover; you can't be making enemies with anyone when you're going to be circumcising their sons.
Speaking of circumcisions, I have to say that there's nothing that I like better after performing a bris than a Clay County Coffee Stout. Malty, chocolaty, and full of java boldness, it's perfect for taking the edge off after the ceremony is over. Indeed, I got so wrapped up in drinking my last post-bris Coffee Stout that I almost sat in Elijah's chair! Oy vey! I could've made such a shmendrik of myself!
You know, every so often, my cousin Moishe and I head down to the Mass Ave Pub to have a few drinks on Tuesday nights after Moishe closes up his shtreimel shop. What a great place that Mass Ave Pub is! You can't beat the Tuesday night deals there -- $3.75 for craft beers! It would be a shonda to miss a Tuesday night there.
And now I see the Mass Ave Pub's float coming up right behind the Bee Creek float. M'Kale, how are things looking from up there?
M'Kale: Well we've figured out the hissing, anyway - the blimpist is also a snakehandler! Ha ha ha ha!
As for that float - I think the use of a giant recliner might be in reference to the Mass Ave Pub's cozy and familiar confines? The red brick is certainly are a reference to the pub's rebuilt walls - you may remember that the pub closed for a couple years back in 2005 when a next-door construction project went awry. I just love the use of reds and greens. What I think they're trying to say here is we are all citizens of the world - a world in which wars are fought and lost, people live and die, money is made and spent, and love is all around you if you just look... excuse me folks, the hissing has returned. I don't think it's snakes. Is this supposed to be hot?
Gina: Ok, good luck up there. What I think he was getting at is that the Mass Ave Pub is a comfortable place to share a good beer. An interesting fact about the Mass Ave Pub is that it is owned by the same family as MacNiven's, another popular bar in the area. The bar is also a favorite to the local firemen who work down the street.
Jason, how's it going down there on the street?
Jason: Sorry to interrupt again but we have trouble down here. As we passed the corporate coffee chain location on Mass Ave, the swarm of barista bees on the Bee Creek float are becoming very agitated. I sympathize with the sap that gets in their way. I hope the firefighters on the Mass Ave Pub float whip out their hoses and cool them off in a hurry. Don't you agree, Queen Gina?
Gina: Yes, yes I do! That would be a sight. Now the coffee they use is called "Brazil Santos" and it is from Jameson Coffee in Greencastle, just about a half hour from the brewery in Brazil, Indiana. I'll tell you what, even in this heat wave, this coffee stout tastes great! Jim, your thoughts?
Jim: Huh? Oh, I'm sorry Gina. It's just that I was a bit distracted by the next float heading up the parade route here. I think this is . . . yes, it is. This is the float from Sun King Brewing. Ah, Sun King -- who would have thought a year ago that these guys would become the big machers on the Indianapolis beer scene? And who is that I see standing at the head of the float? That has to be . . . yes, that's Clay Robinson. You know, the first time I saw that young man, I mistook him for a Lubavitcher, what with that beard and all. A nice young man he is. That kid is a major league kibitzer and can schmooze with the best of 'em. So M'Kale, how are you and those reptiles doing up there?
M'Kale: ...no I don't think that's supposed to be smoking... Oh hey, Jim. Yes, Sun King - would you believe that Clay and I share the same hairdresser? Speaking of hair, Sun King's Osiris Pale Ale is certainly a highlight of their lineup, and I suppose that's why their float has the same familiar silver sheen as its classy can-tainer. Rumor has it that Osiris is made with so many hops that the hops police called and said, "Stop using all the hops!" Oh boy that's funny. Something up here is definitely on fire.
Jason: I see the Sun King float now. The float has hops frolicking and playing. I think they are putting on a circus. Yes.. yes, it is a circus. Hops are balancing themselves on the high wire. An obvious inference that the Osiris has a great hop balance.
It appears that Clay is throwing cans of his Osiris Pale Ale into the crowd. Unfortunately, the crowd is distracted by the irate barista bees and the blimp above. So the cans are hitting the people in the head. There is blood everywhere. People on the ground, wailing. I haven't seen this much gore since I was in Wrestlepalooza XIV when I took on the Squirreling Dervishes in a group cage match. Thankfully, the Chatterbox float is coming in behind the Sun King float. And there is some excellent free-form jazz fusion being played. And people are forgetting about their injuries and instead enjoying the funky beat.
I rue the foo' who doesn't enjoy that sound. Am I right?
By the way, does anybody else smell barbeque?
Jim: Jason, I don't think that's barbecue. I think that's bacon I smell. I'd recognize that smell anywhere. I'm looking on my monitor here -- yes, it looks like Clay has brought a barrel of Sun King's world famous Baconator Doppelbock and is sharing it with the crowd to make amends for his errant can-throwing. Boy, the crowd is loving it! Of course, I wouldn't know much about bacon beer, it being treyf and all. I do, however, know a lot about Osiris Pale Ale. The can says that it's brewed by their brewers for their brewers. I can see why -- with the refreshing, citrusy hopiness of this beer, it's got to be a favored beer of any serious Hoosier State hophead.
I'll tell you, I always keep a four-pack of Osiris Pale Ale in my refrigerator. It's my go-to beer. It beats He'Brew Genesis Ale by a mile. Shhhh--don't tell my wife Rivka that I said that. She'll never forgive me. So to Sun King, I say "Kol Hakavod" for putting out such a fantastic beer!
Gina, I now see the Chatterbox Jazz Club's float coming along behind the Sun King float. Quite an interesting design. What do you think of it?
Gina: Well Jim, they did a real nice job replicating the bar. Check out the giant foil ball! I wonder if it is the same one from the bar! If it is, it was what was left of the foil used in the 2008 Jury Award winner from the 48 Hour Film Festival. The movie was even called "Foil." Oh! Did you see the flags along the side? They even got the age old dust along the edges! That is definitely an authentic touch!
Do I see vendors handing out those Patties of Jamaica patties along side of the float? Can I get some of those up here? I love those spicy little things! They would go great with the delicious Osiris I'm having. I'm lucky I saw that flying up here or that tall can may have knocked me out.
M'Kale, can you hear the band from where you are?
M'Kale: Band? What? We are going down! I repeat, we are going down!
Who put the parachutes in with the snakes?
Jason: Well that's a first... an artist type without enough hot air to fill a blimp. Don't worry, M'Kale, a flock of geese are flying your way. Maybe you can jump on one and ride it down to safety.
Speaking of geese, the Goose Island float is up next. It looks like it is filled with hot chicks pillow fighting. Am I seeing that right? Gina... Rabbi... what do you see?
Um, it looks like the blimp is headed straight for the booth. Gina and the Rabbi, any last words about Goose Island and the Ball and Biscuit before M'Kale's fireball of a blimp crashes into you?
Gina: Pillow fight? Did I miss the floats? Sorry, I was trying to see where M'Kale and the snakes were going to land.
Well, you already know I love Ball and Biscuit, and I enjoy Matilda very much; it has an interesting mix of spice and citrus in the nose that follows through to the flavor. It drinks like a sessionable pint, but at 7% ABV, I'm afraid it would have to be a very short session. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get the hell out of here before that crazy blimp gets here. Ball and Biscuit anyone?
Thanks everybody, see you next time!
Jason: Rabbi? Concluding thoughts before your ultimate demise?
Jim: Gina, I'm right behind you. I'm going to need a visit to the Ball & Biscuit for some of that lovely Matilda to calm my nerves after all of this mishegas.
Good news, though -- I can confirm that M'Kale has been able to successfully bail out of the blimp with a Scotty's Brewhouse(TM) parachute. Yes . . . he has just deployed the chute and is now floating in the direction of Sun King headquarters over on College Avenue. I'm not surprised to see him headed in that direction.
So until next year's parade, this is Rabbi Jim signing off. And don't forget to tune in to the next edition of "Mornings with the Mohel" as we welcome special guests Barry Manilow, Jackie Mason, and former WWE Heavyweight Champion Bill Goldberg.
Bee Creek Clay County Coffee Stout
Gina: 4.4 Mugs | Mike: 3.5 Mugs | Jason: 3.85 Mugs | Jim: 3.98 Mugs
KOTBR Score: 3.93 Mugs
Sun King Osiris Pale Ale
Gina: 4.4 Mugs | Mike: 4.17 Mugs | Jason: 4.25 Mugs | Jim: 4.25 Mugs
KOTBR Score: 4.28 Mugs
Goose Island Matilda
Gina: 3.62 Mugs | Mike: 3.29 Mugs | Jason: 3.55 Mugs | Jim: 3.89 Mugs
KOTBR Score: 3.58 Mugs
Mass Avenue Pub
745 Massachusetts Avenue
Mass Avenue Pub on Facebook
The Chatterbox Jazz Club
435 Massachusetts Avenue
The Chatterbox on Facebook
The Ball & Biscuit
331 Massachusetts Avenue
The Ball & Biscuit on Facebook