29 October 2007

Patriots Week Rules

Hoosier Beer Geek is a huge fan of the Defending World Champion Indianapolis Colts. And Hoosier Beer Geek absolutely abhors and is disgusted by the cheating, classesless, unsportsmenlike New England Patsies. So this week is very special for Hoosier Beer Geek - it's Patriots Week. And during what will most likely be the most hyped regular season game in the history of the NFL, Hoosier Beer Geek has come up with a list of rules that all loyal Hoosier beer geeks must follow to maintain their unique "Hoosier" beer geek status. Any deviation from these rules will automatically result in you being required to drink Coors Lite for the rest of your life and branded a traitor and labeled a Tom Brady babymomma (especially if you're a dude).

1. Any beer you have from Sam Adams must be disposed of in the following manner: pour it down your toilet and flush. Same goes with any beer that is made east of New York.

2. You must boycott any pub/bar/restaurant that maintains New England Clam Chowder on its menu's this week.

3. You cannot order any food for tailgating from Boston Market.

4. It is acceptable to wear a New York Yankees cap along with your Colts jersey on Sunday.

5. You can only drink beer made in Indiana this week (or at least only from those states that borders ours). Support your local brewers!

6. Boston-baked beans, seafood, and other foods associated with or indiginous to New England are not allowed at tailgating. Tenderloin, corn, soybeans and fried things are strongly encouraged.

7. Every time you drink a beer with a friend this week, you must raise your mugs, clink, and say, "F*CK the Patriots!" If your friend is a Patriots-lover, you must kick her ass and put her in a sleeper hold until she admits that Peyton Manning is the best quarterback in the history of NFL and Tom Brady is on his jock.

8. You must root for Florida State in Saturday's college football game. They play Boston College.

9. You must root for Columbia in Saturday's college football game. They play Harvard.

10. If the worst-case scenario happens - Red Sox win World Series (uh-oh), Boston College wins the NCAA national championship, the Patriots win the Super Bowl, and the Celtics win the NBA title - it is expected and required that you participate in our plot with Yankess fans to blow up the entire New England area and cede what's left of it to Canada.


  1. Wow. That, Chris, is an instant classic (notwithstanding the fact that I do have a soft spot for Boston as a cultural attraction).

  2. Awesome, simply awesome.

    I hate the Patriots. Some commentator with some balls needs to start ripping them for running up the score every freakin' game. It's so unsportmanlike, it's ridiculous, yet the commentators seem to think it's some kind of joke.

  3. Marvelous!

    You all might enjoy this little bit I crafted last week in preparation for Armageddon At The Dome:


  4. Gah, damn blogger cutting off the link. here it is again, in handy actual link form.

  5. This is great article by Gregg Easterbrook that I missed last week, but rings even more true after what the Pats did to the Skins yesterday.

  6. It would help if I would leave the link:


  7. I had seen the post, xtrarant. It was fantastic! I especially love the first one.