Editor's Note: Hoosier Beer Geek wishes to apologize in advance for the gimmicky nature of the following review. But let's face it--sometimes, we just can't help ourselves. You may love the following review (in fact, we hope you do). But we also realize that you may hate it (a good possibility as well; perhaps that's why we never win any "best blog" awards). So there--you've been forewarned.
It all started with this video. Yes, that's right--it's the Black Eyed Peas throwing Hebrew phrases into their latest song. Then there was the confession by Jason that, well, he really likes this song. Add to that a visit to the Rathskeller (401 E. Michigan St., Indianapolis, 317.636.0396) for a roundtable and we ended up with an opportunity to make light of Jason's musical tastes. This wasn't unusual for us, though, as this has all happened before. But as you'll see, I really don't have much room to make fun of Jason's musical tastes (see below--you'll figure it out).This all quickly morphed into an idea (maybe a really poor idea)--Hoosier Beer Geek radio. So close your eyes. Pretend you're cruising in your car on a road trip, looking for that one great radio station to keep you company. Static crackles as you crank the dial, and then there it is--WHBG FM, Indianapolis. Leading us off, the man who is the unparalleled master of those stacks of wax, who pumps the wattage into your cottage, our very own Jason, better known behind the turntables as "DJ Johnny Unitas"--
For tonight’s review, I considered paying homage to the Jewish hip-hop/pop group Black Eyed Peas and their new hit song “I Got a Feeling," a song that will become a regular favorite around Chanukah, I’m sure. Kinda like a “Celebrate Me Home” for the Chosen People!But it’s July; way to early to riff on holiday songs. Instead, I elected to take a page from my handy dandy pocket-sized “Songs You Know By Heart” songbook and do my version of Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville."
Just call me Jason Smorgasbord.
Nibblin’ on schnitzel,
Gettin’ all shitzeled.
All those Germans in lederhosen.
Polka is playing.
The drunks are all swaying.
What is that beer that they have chosen?
Wastin’ away again in Weihenstephan.
Drinking Kristallweiss from a large stein.
This much is clear,
This is not a dark beer.
And I know it treats me just fine.
This version of wheat,
Is really a treat.
A weiss that’s filtered is better for me.
A crisper mouthfeel,
Lack of banana peel,
But just enough flavors to be citrusy.
Wastin’ away again in Weihenstephan.
Drinking Kristallweiss from a large stein.
Is your mouth dry?
Then you should give this a try.
And I know that it treats me just fine.
Don’t have to go far,
Just to the Kellerbar.
Not like you have to cruise down the Rhine.
There it is on tap.
Stop in for a night cap.
And then maybe some wurst on which you can dine.
Wastin’ away again in Weihenstephan.
Drinking Kristallweiss from a large stein.
The hops they are slight.
It does not have a big bite.
And I know that it treats me just fine.
There is no debate
Jimmy Buffett is great!
And I know that it treats me just fine.
And next up, the Queen of Pop, the lady you just can't stop, Gina, better known as "Extra Special Bitter"--
"Weihenstephaner (Kristallweissbier)"(To the tune of "Womanizer" by Britney Spears)
Kristallweiss
From the tap, how's it flowing?
I hope that
To my table, is where you're going.
You can fit right in with all the German beers out here
And I know that you are, that you are, filtered
Look at you
Crystal clear in just a small cup
Baby, you
Got all the Knights with all their mugs up
Fakin' like a weizen, but I call 'em like I see 'em
I know that you are, that you are, filtered
Weinhenstephaner, Weihen-Weinhenstephaner, you’re a Weinhenstephaner
Oh, Weinhenstephaner, oh you’re a Weinhenstephaner beer
You-you-you are … You-you-you are
Weinhenstephaner, Weinhenstephaner, Weinhenstephaner
Spicy on the front
I-I know just-just what you are, ah, ah
Clarity's brilliant
I-I know just-just what you are, ah, ah
You got it goin’
Just keep it flowin’
I'll have another … Weinhenstephaner
Spicy on the front
I-I know just-just what you are, ah, ah
Clarity's brilliant
I-I know just-just what you are, ah, ah
The citrus I'm tasting
gets a high mug rating
You’re a great beer from Weinhenstephaner
Rathskeller
You got the selection of a champion
With the food
pair a beer with the right companion
Bockwurst, sausage, bratwurst, sauerkraut,
Hot Wurst Plate,
Spicy Mustard on a Pretzel,
That's just from the bar, baby
Weihenstephan
The Brewery -- you're the oldest
The quality
of the beer, one of the finest
In Friesing, Germany, it was a
monastery for the monks, and it's been around
about a thousand years, baby
Weinhenstephaner, Weihen-Weinhenstephaner, you’re a Weinhenstephaner
Oh, Weinhenstephaner, oh you’re a Weinhenstephaner, baby
You-you-you are … You-you-you are
Weinhenstephaner, Weinhenstephaner, Weinhenstephaner
You’re oh so charmin’
I'll have another Weinhenstephaner
Welcome back after the station break. With our next tune, we have the one, the only, Matt E., known around the station as the "Zombie Master"--
To the tune of "The Way" by FastballThere’re so many kinds
Of beer to be quaffing
They met after the hard work on that day
Biergarten for eternal summer sampling
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?
They drank up the Weiss
And they got to talking
They now had more important notes to share
And when the Doors came on they started talking
What were they tasting without ever knowing the way?
Anyone could see the beer that was draughted was colored gold
Have some this summer, you’ll never get cold
You’ll probably get hungry
Definitely get old and gray
You can smell the mandarin oranges waft your way
There is lotsa foam
But I really don’t care
I wanted the big mug
I’d happily share today, today
The meniscus dropped
And I couldn’t stop it
The beer just went down way too easily
The Kristallweiss
Is such a cru-el mistress
The cloves and bananas are part of the Weihenstephan way.
Anyone could see the beer that was draughted was colored gold
Have some this summer, you’ll never get cold
You’ll probably get hungry
Definitely get old and gray
I would drink this tasty wheat beer any day
I’d drink it at home
But you probably don’t care
It’s so light and airy
Just sample this beer today, today
Weihenstephaner Kristallweissbier (5.4% ABV)
Gina 3.5 Mugs | Jess 3.7 Mugs | Rod 3.9 Mugs | Jason 3.5 Mugs | Matt E. 4.1 Mugs | Jim 3.925 Mugs
KOTBR Score: 3.77 Mugs
Our fourth DJ is here, and he has a drastic change of pace for you. Hear me now and believe me later when I say that he's heavy . . . reaaaal heavy. Throwin' some thunder and lightning at you, bashin' your skull with a sonic Thor's hammer, it's Rod, a/k/a "Platinum Death"--
Slayer is widely known for their fascination with . . . well, the more infamous and regrettable side of German history. So I'll take this opportunity to turn Slayer's awesome musicianship into an appreciation for Germany's greatest contribution to humanity, beer. I give you, "Weizen of Dunkel," formerly "Angel of Death."Weihenstephan, the meaning of bier
The way that I want you to drink
Slow sips, immense delight
Showers of refreshment in the sun
Cloves in, like winter, you thought
Stripped of translucent worth
Anise seed, for the Weizen of Dunkel
For the presence of banana does not lie
Weizen of Dunkel
Darker version of the liquid bread
Delicious, cousin of wheat
Presence of the noblest yeast
Top fermenting, without mercy
To benefit the German taste
Dried herbs, but no hop notes
Feel the malt rush you intensely
Creamier, than any other you'll find
Caramel dominates the mind
Weizen of Dunkel
Darker version of the liquid bread
Wheaty and richer
Weizen of Dunkel
A bunch of awesome guitar solos and even a rocking drum solo happens here and then I stop coming up with lyrics because this is way harder than it looks.
And to introduce our last but certainly not our least song, it's the Scribe of the Sonic Tribe, the old man with the lyrical plan, the disc jockey known as "DJ Methuselah"--
Simply put, nothing says beer-drinking like Lady Gaga. Here's her latest song, "Dunkel Weiss," in which she comes across as a bit protective of her brew.[To the tune of "Poker Face"]
Y-y-y-yum
(4x)
I wanna drink it like they do in Deutschland please
Weihenstephaner brews it baby, made some just for me (I love it)
Smells like a banana and it tastes just like one too
and though you want some of it I ain’t gonna share with you
Oh o-oh oh oh, o-o-o-o-o-oh
I got a pour, I want me some more
(2x)
Can't drink my, can't drink my
No, you can't drink my dunkel weiss
(Go get your own beer baby)
(2x)
D-d-d-dunkel weiss, d-d-dunkel weiss
(y-y-y-yum)
(2x)
I wanna another ‘cause it’s nice and cloudy brown
A glass of wheat beer, yes, I like to drink it down (I love it)
They got it perfect when it comes to dunkel weiss
Now go get me another so I don’t have to ask twice (twice)
Oh o-oh oh oh, o-o-o-o-o-oh
I got a pour, I want me some more
(2x)
Can't drink my, can't drink my
No, you can't drink my dunkel weiss
(Go get your own beer baby)
(2x)
D-d-d-dunkel weiss, d-d-dunkel weiss
(y-y-y-yum)
(2x)
(y-y-y-yum)
(2x)
So I think I want another, right there brother
'Cause I'm cravin’ what you’re savin’
I'm not lying, I'm just buyin’ for the sake of tryin’ (yum)
Just like a beer geek at the table, want to drink more than I am able
I promise this, promise this
Check this beer 'cause it’s marvelous
Can't drink my, can't drink my
No, you can't drink my dunkel weiss
(Go get your own beer baby)
(4x)
D-d-d-dunkel weiss, d-d-dunkel weiss
(y-y-y-yum)
(4x)
Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier Dunkel (5.3% ABV)
Gina 3.8 Mugs | Jess 3.8 Mugs | Rod 4.1 Mugs | Jason 3.2 Mugs | Matt E. 3.6 Mugs | Jim 4.2 Mugs
KOTBR Score: 3.78 Mugs
I get grief from listening to B.E.P.'s and then Jim goes and spins Lady Gaga?
ReplyDeleteRead the second paragraph of the post again, sweetheart.
ReplyDeleteI hope that everyone gets that we're joking about this "best of indy blog" thing. So what if we can be beaten by blogs that don't update for two months? Blogging is about QUALITY, not quantity. And it's certainly not about having fun and actually enjoying anything.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, my congrats to the winner. My Old Kentucky Blog is helping further the music culture in Indy and is more than deserving. Just consider that they manage to do it all without tearing down the same culture they're trying to promote! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Dude must be a genius.
After this last post, I don't think I'll be visiting this site anymore...
ReplyDeleteInstead I'll just frequent Dodge and the gang at MOKB even more frequently. After all, they ARE helping much more than just the music culture in INDY with their national weekly show on Sirius XM.
I mean, if you guys tried you could be like this douchebag and have your own internet beer tv show and NOT know who Deschutes is...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8olg31nL4Zo
Scott, it looks like we have a misunderstanding here. Given that the internet is often not a good medium for communicating tone or intent, it's certainly understandable that something was lost in translation through the post and subsequent comments.
ReplyDeleteJust to be clear for all readers, this post has nothing to do with Dodge and MOKB (which several of us read regularly and have great admiration for) and was never aimed at slamming on him or his blog. Rather, the post is simply an attempt at putting one of our goofy inside jokes in blog form, namely the KOTBR's musical tastes, which is an occasional topic of conversation and source of humor for us. It was also aimed at memorializing (as an aside) another inside joke--our failure to make NUVO's best blog list in the "Best of Indy" issue. While it might appear that we're upset about this, the fact is that the blog's banner and the oblique reference to NUVO in the post were both done in the spirit of being tongue-in-cheek, not in a nasty spirit.
At any rate, our apologies for any confusion created. We did not intend to alienate anyone with what we said here.
I should have been clearer, and I appreciate my fellow Knight for covering for me.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I am pro culture-building-positivity (MOKB, for example), and anti negativity (X's No-Fun-Anytime Blog, for example).
The header image? My fault. Actually it's part of my plot to start generating votes for next year. I figure that we can never start too early. The header was either going to be that or another ad for our party. Do you really want to see another ad for our party (Saturday, August 22, 2009 6:00 PM at Sun King, limited to 150 tickets, and with a ton of beer)?
I thought the whole post was way beyong lame. I wonder where the pod people put the beer geeks?
ReplyDeleteFair enough,anon. If you think you can do better, then come to our anniversary party. We'll have forms. 8/22 at Sun king Brewery. Tickets are available now. $30.00 until 8/9.
ReplyDeleteAnon, we've done reviews in haiku, in iambic pentameter, as faux book excerpts, in only four words, as Dungeons and Dragons character profiles, and in character as famous dead people, just to name a few of the dopey things that we've done in the past. If you're not getting our vibe by now, then I'm not sure what to tell you. After all, there's only so much you can do with BJCP criteria before writing beer reviews using them gets really tiresome.
ReplyDeleteLong-time readers of HBG know that we don't take ourselves too seriously and aren't your average beer website. And as noted in the first paragraph of the post, you were forewarned. But then again, you admitted that you read the whole post, so that's saying something. I think it's the irresistible lure of lameness.
And seriously, we do hope to see you (whoever you are) at our third anniversary bash.
I actually did get Mike's post (although I'm still not quite sure what to think of the KOTBR #81 post...). Since he was already busting balls and having jolly good time, I'd figure I'd join in the fracas. Perhaps my attempt came out a little to dry...
ReplyDeleteOh well, at least you guys know who Deschutes is.
Because of this post I am never drinking beer again. You people have ruined it for me. Whenever I see beer or Germany I'm going to think of this post and promptly vomit. You are all terrible people and should pray for death.
ReplyDeleteHow dare you.